The Curse of Being Smart
Controlling your chaos 101
Hi angels. Happy Sunday! Grateful we survived the NYC heatwave together. SO much to discuss today. First:
Can I be honest with you? My favoriteeee place to get my news and culture from Twitter. (Do I have to acknowledge the name change? You can probably assume my stance on M*sk.)
It’s the only platform I’m not public on, which makes it a kind of weird, peaceful internet home. There’s a specific cultural community I bounce between that somehow weaves together runway fashion, pop culture mess, venture capital gossip, world politics, and Black Twitter. And during major moments, it’s the first place I go.
Some memes go viral and for certain niches, become markers of a moment, an emotional timestamp for the culture. This is one of those:
Now, I’ve never seen HBO’s Girls (not really my taste, you get it) and I know very little about the actress the meme is tied to. But this one screenshot keeps coming back around—and every time it does, it hits.
There’s something about the bluntness that makes me laugh. Mostly because it stings. It reminds me not to be insufferable but you’re too smart for this.
You’ve overthought your way into a spiral. You’ve found all the ways you’re inadequate, overwhelmed, and incapable. And instead of focusing on the tools and talents you do have, you’ve decided to identify with what you don’t.
We are all thinking about ourselves way too much.
Oh, and this is deeply personal. My brain? She’s busier than a Reformation sample sale on a Saturday morning. Every rack of thoughts is overstuffed, nothing’s in the right place, and somehow I’ve convinced myself I need everything at once. Meanwhile, I can’t find the one piece I actually came for.
I’m constantly toggling between thoughts about the latest trade policy, my to-do list, whether I’ve had enough water today (haven’t), and the crushing realization that I left my laundry in the washer overnight AGAIN.
That’s the thing about being smart—you think a lot. It’s part of the package! But the tax of having a big, beautiful brain is an overactive mind that needs a manager BAD.
So how do we manage it? How do we make it easier to be inside our own heads?
This week, my therapist said something that genuinely changed my brain chemistry:
You don’t have to believe every thought you have.
Since then, I’ve been watching my thoughts more closely. I realized how often I assign urgency and importance to things that are just… noise. And instead of gently redirecting myself, I spiral like every little thought is gospel.
But I’m a grown! woman! I am in charge of what I think, consume, say, and do!
So when the chest tightness creeps in and the mental clutter starts to pile up, here’s how I soothe it, and move forward:
💭 How to Feel Smarter This Week 💭
If you’re ambitious, you’re probably overwhelmed. The best way to get your mind back isn’t to force it, it’s to externalize the noise.
Here are some things that help me:
Write it down. Get it on the page or the notes app STAT. 10 minutes to dump the thoughts, 5 to prioritize them. When I’m really not well, I write down an estimate of how long something will take me. IRL, the email you’re avoiding sending will take you 5 minutes! Suddenly, things feel less scary.
Use your voice. I tell Siri or my Amazon Alexa to remind me of tasks while I’m brushing my teeth. Don’t underestimate a hands-free moment.
Clean out your Notes app. Chaos in there? Same. But clearing it out feels like digital exfoliation. Make a master note of the to-dos, delete the paragraph text drafts to your exes.
Use real notebooks. I’ve been keeping my mini Moleskine notebooks in all my bags, and found myself scribbling in one at Balthazar on a solo date after a work event. Instead of intaking more info while I scrolled Instagram (or anything, honestly,) I sketched out my thoughts about a major creator economy industry shift. Fun!
Tell people. Say it out loud. Call your bestie and say “hi, I just need to talk this out so I don’t spiral.” Your community wants to support you, but they LITERALLY can’t if you keep pretending you’re fine and SELF-isolating.
Write on Post-its. This is a bit niche, but the physicality helps me so much. Sometimes it’s that simple, one idea per square. Stick them up. Rearrange them. Get the chaos out of your head.
Move your body. While this isn’t a brand new or even fun recommendation for me to give you, it is my go-to. When I’m overwhelmed, it’s a sign of stagnancy. Before you pick up and doomscroll, stand up and do whatever you can to get moving.
When you externalize your thoughts, you teach your brain it can finally stop spinning. You give it permission to rest. And from that place? You can finally create, process, and show up in the ways you actually want to.
✨ My Favorite Way to Process: The Too Smart For This Journal ✨
At the start of the year, I was deep in my self-work era. I’d launched my book, finished school, and was trying to figure out what came next for me as a creator and a writer. So I made a vision board.
But I didn’t do it the popular way. I followed the prompts from the Too Smart For This journal, made a list of the things I’d love to see in my life, and then I let it go. I detached from the outcome.
And y’all, it kinda worked!!!
Next Sunday, I’m speaking at Essencefest in New Orleans!!!!!!!
This has been on my vision board for a few years and I am so thrilled and honored and grateful that my team at Tarcher and Penguin Random House made this happen. (And watch out: my two best friends are coming with me and, let’s just say we’re aiming for a Girls Trip-level time!)
The point is, creating the vision of speaking at Essencefest even when I had no idea how it would happen gave my brain something to organize itself around. It felt like clearing space in a closet, and suddenly I had room to actually move.
That’s what the journal is for. It’s a tool to offload the noise and focus on what matters. We even walk through how to do your own vision board, and why it’s one of the most powerful ways to externalize your dreams without gripping them too tightly.
→ Get the Too Smart For This Journal here and try it for yourself.
If won’t be at Essencefest and you already have the journal, I would truly TRULY be so grateful if you took a second to leave a review on Amazon 🥺 I can’t wait to hear how your lives are changing with the prompts!
✨ How to Look Smarter This Week
Okay, so here’s the deal: I wanted a fun, non-annoying way to share my takes on popular products without spamming your Stories or clogging the feed with “omg obsessed” energy when I’m… not. I take product testing seriously, and I know you do too.
So I’m trying something new. I reviewed six products I was sent this month from some of the hottest beauty and wellness brands, and I’m giving you my unfiltered thoughts in the PR Pyramid below. The million dollar question: would I actually spend my own money on this?
Here’s the lineup I tested this week:
🔻 Bottom Right: Glow Recipe Lip Balms
I wanted to love these, I really did. But the formula just didn’t hit. It’s not bad, it’s just not great — and at this point, I’m only here for greatness. Wouldn’t repurchase.
🔻 Bottom Middle: Cadence Travel Parcels
These are the perfect gym bag organizers. I’ve officially joined a new gym (gym rat era loading), and these little capsules help my ADHD brain stay organized because they’re clear, compact, and aesthetically pleasing. A bit of a splurge, but for someone who lives out of three bags, I get the hype.
🔻 Bottom Left: So Good So You Tart Cherry Sleep Shots
These are actually… genius? I’ve already been mixing tart cherry and magnesium for muscle recovery and sleep, and this makes it way easier. I won’t buy them religiously, but during a reset week or workout phase, I’ll definitely restock.
⚖️ Middle: Tatcha Rice Cleanser & New Tatcha Dewy Moisturizer
I fear I may have a new holy grail moisturizer. I got to attend the Tatcha launch party this week and tried both products for the first time. The rice cleanser has the perfect level of gentle exfoliation, and the moisturizer is somehow deeply hydrating but still feather-light. I’m impressed.
👑 Top of the Pyramid: CurrentBody Red Light Face Mask
ICONIC. I feel like such a grown woman every time I use this. It gives spa-grade glow, my skin looks healthier, and I’m officially in my red light therapy era. Clearly, I would absolutely purchase this myself, or make someone buy it for me.
And yes, I have a code for you: ALEXISBARBER10 for $$ off!
And if you’ve tried any of these, reply and tell me your thoughts. We love a crowdsourced glow-up.
💡 Smart Girl Tip of the Week 💡
You don’t have to believe every thought you think.
You do have to choose which ones to act on. Write them down. Set them free.
See you next week.
xx
Alexis
Loved this whole article. I really resonated with "You’ve overthought your way into a spiral. You’ve found all the ways you’re inadequate, overwhelmed, and incapable. And instead of focusing on the tools and talents you do have, you’ve decided to identify with what you don’t." Fun fact, my publication used to be called "Thought Spiral" but I recently rebranded to "Follow Through" because I'm working on doing EXACTLY THIS! It's so easy to spiral and somehow find yourself identifying more with that anxious energy than anything else.
But as you'd say, we're too smart for this! 💙
Also, omg I used to be OBSESSED with Tatcha's dewy skin cream. I might have to try the dewy milk moisturizer now 👀