Smart Girls Evolve

guiding yourself through transformation and uncertainty

Hello angels.

This is a self-important issue of Smarter Sundays because, well, I don’t know what else to tell you — I’m going through some sort of personal transformation right now.

In July alone, I’ve journaled through an entire Mnemosyne A13 notebook and two Moleskines, meditated at least an hour a day, and racked up some top-tier memoir material while bopping between New Orleans, London, and Ibiza. As I shared in my latest EssenceFest vlog (yes babe, I returned to YouTube!), I’ve been deep in what some might call a healing era. Major.

I feel like a completely different person than I was when I graduated from Wharton two months ago. And honestly, I’ve been very much struggling to express myself through content at the moment because I’m still getting to know this version of me.

But while I get familiar with my next chapter, it feels wrong not to talk to you about the tools and habits that have been supporting me through this spiritual and mental upgrade.

(Also yes, I want to vomit every time I see the words “journey” or “transformation” — but I guess you could call it a ride if you want??? Ok anyway)

This might matter to you because…

Eventually, all smart and ambitious people hit the end of a chapter and realize the shiny job title or life milestone isn’t giving warm, fuzzy fulfillment — it’s giving cold, sharp disappointment. Something is missing. You might be deeply burnt out, emotionally dysregulated, or just stuck in a loop that wins won’t fix.

You can absolutely get back into alignment, but it’s going to require some uncomfortable feeling, not just overthinking.

Me before:

If you’ve been following me, you already know the context. But in short:

• A high-achieving perfectionist, anxious about never doing enough

• Obsessed with growth and impact, but disconnected from joy

• Running from childhood scarcity like it was chasing me through every decision

• Calm on the outside, spiraling on the inside

Who I’m becoming:

• Unapologetic about my shine, even when it scares people

• Grounded in my creativity for love, not just stability

• Self-compassionate enough to slow down and still feel worthy

OK SO LET’S GET THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM OUT OF THE WAY:

We have heard this before! And especially from me. Be Unapologetic! You’re not too much! Stop centering what others think!

I have been preaching the Too Smart For This Love Yourself Know Your Worth story for almost five years now, but as I evolve, new lessons around these topics keep coming back and I keep getting tested.

So I come back with even more tips on how to move on, starting here:

7 Tools Helping Me Through Change (So Far)

1. Change Your Inputs

For the last year, I’ve consumed mostly motivating and spiritual content — sermons, Abraham Hicks, Neville Goddard, subliminals, documentaries, health podcasts, nervous system TikTok. Yes, it can become a trap if you never apply any of it, but it’s been incredibly powerful for rewiring a negative headspace.

I say it all the time, people. Consume better. Think better. Feel better.

2. Being a Perfectionist Is Embarrassing

I’m sorry, but it’s sooooo cringe that I ever identified with this behavior. Like… why? Why suppress who I am just to be perceived as put-together by people who are also pretending? Once you realize perfectionism is just avoidance dressed up as control, you either heal it or keep performing. I’m on the road to healing, I HOPE!

3. Nervous System Regulation

ok so here’s a curveball, you can’t out smart your emotions!>?>?? extremely rude. i’ve only been striving to do this my whole life! I’m now deep in somatic healing, and I’ve learned that a lot of women (myself included) don’t know how to feel safe in their emotions. We numb, intellectualize, or retreat — but we don’t know how to hold ourselves.

What’s helped me: sauna time, walking 15–20k steps a day, tapping meditations (Brad Yates on YouTube), my acupressure mat, and learning about listening to my body when she whispers before she screams.

4. Adjust Your Upper Limit

I randomly opened The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks on one of my flights this week, and it wrecked me in the best way. It helped me name something I’ve always sensed: when things start going too well, I panic. My therapist and I are now unpacking why I’m allergic to stability, and this book put language to that feeling. If you sabotage your peace once it arrives, read it. We can implement together.

5. Create an Alter Ego

Sometimes you don’t need more self-help — you need to embody someone else’s mindset. The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman helped me unhook from old identities and create new ones on purpose. Highly recommend if your “default self” is getting in the way of what you want.

6. Feel, Don’t Think

After going off hormonal birth control three years ago, I started reconnecting to my body. But it wasn’t until recently that I realized how many feelings were physically trapped inside me. Therapists used to ask, “Where do you feel that in your body?” and I had no idea what they meant. Now I understand that emotional avoidance often stems from not wanting to feel bad in the body. So I’ve been leaning into movement, sweating it out, journaling what sensations come up, and practicing feeling it all without letting it hijack me.

7. Live That Life, Girl

This might be the most important one.

You can isolate yourself in the name of “healing” and still not change. I’ve done it.

But the real transformation happens when you’re in motion, when you test who you’re becoming against the world, when you get messy and randomly fly to Ibiza on a Tuesday (me this week), when you live. Each moment on my trips felt like a quantum leap because I got to meet myself in motion, not just in theory.

OK, this is getting too long. Part Two Coming Soon?

Including but not limited to:

• Releasing structure and embracing principles

• The power of routine without rigidity

• The difference between clarity and control

• Why taking action before you feel ready is the move

• What falling in love (with people, with purpose, with place) can do for your nervous system

One last thing

This healing era has been incredible, but here’s what I’ll leave you with:

You will not “think” your way into peace. You have to feel, move, connect, express.

Let your lessons live inside your real life, not just your Notes app.

If you’re in your own loop right now, the Too Smart For This journal is the best place to start untangling it.

→ Grab yours here and get into it.

See you soon.

xx

Alexis