Smart Girls Don't Have to Go It Alone
Hyper-independence is killing our communities. Resist it.
Oops… fashionably late 💻
So sorry this is coming in late! I fully thought I scheduled it to go out last night, and just realized I accidentally queued it for next week instead. Classic. But honestly? Maybe it’s right on time. Hope you enjoy it now xx
My family came to Philly for my graduation last month, and halfway through our tour of the city, my mom looked at me with a mix of awe and confusion and asked, “Lexi, how do you even know where to start when you move to places like this?”
To her, someone who’s only ever lived in a few towns in Missouri, the idea of navigating life in a new city, let alone the six major ones I’ve bopped between in the last decade (St. Louis, Chicago, New York, San Francisco, LA, and Philly), feels totally overwhelming.
I’d always thought that moving to a new place never fazed me thanks to deep-rooted self-sufficiency that only kids who went to boarding school can understand. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that’s reallllyyyy not the full story.
How had I built a life in each of these places when I’d shown up alone and 20-something? It wasn’t just my naivete, excellent research skills, and reliance on Google Maps reviews.
The honest-to-God truth is that I only survived and thrived in new places because of community. The barista who put me on to the local gossip. The coworker who helped me find a dentist. The friend of a friend who added me to a group chat that turned into my chosen family.
And yet, as a hyper-independent, often-anxious person, I still struggle to stay connected to my people.
Isolation feels SO MUCH safer. There’s no risk of embarrassment, no need to extend yourself when you don’t feel like it, no obligation to engage. You have full control.
At least, that’s the illusion.
Because even when I’ve been in bed, avoiding the world, I’ve never been truly alone. I’ve still been consuming something—TV shows, music, books, and content created by people who were, in their own way, reaching out.
Whether we’re immersing ourselves in a new place or we feel like we’ve withdrawn completely, we’re still being held by someone’s decision to create something meaningful.
It’s never been the isolation that’s healed me. It’s been the girlfriends who showed up after a breakup, the friends who sent voice memos when I couldn’t get out of bed, the neighbor who said “hi” at just the right moment, or the nurse evaluating my broken toe last month who gave me a huge hug and told me she was proud of me after I got rejected from a job I thought I wanted that day. (The toe is still broken, by the way—whoever stepped on it at Club SPACE Miami was disturbingly strong.)
Hyper-independence, hustle culture, a pandemic, and a digital world have all trained us to forget how much we need each other. One can trace this back to the millenial-coded “I HATE PEOPLE” memes from the early 2010s, giving us cultural permission to disconnect.
Now we’re all exhausted, silently performing perfection for people we don’t even know or love.
But this disconnect doesn’t just affect us individually. It creates the kind of fragmentation that fuels injustice and makes it easier to ignore suffering. This week, between attacks on immigrants in LA, NYC’s mayoral race, and the reminder that Juneteenth is around the corner, I’ve been thinking about the urgency of recommitting to our communities.
And not in a performative way. I don’t give much of a shit which flyer you repost on your IG story. I mean in the quiet, consistent, personal ways. I care more about whether you hold the door for the person behind you, whether you speak up when someone says something rude in front of you, whether you vote, for God’s sake!!
While I can’t begin to understand the lack of empathy that exists in some American circles, I also don’t want to become numb to it. We are responsible for one another.
As our generation steps further into adulthood, we inherit the obligation to uphold, protect, and invest in our communities, whether that’s a group chat, a neighborhood, or a city.
So this week, I want to offer you a small challenge:
Be a little f**king nicer.
Text the person you’ve been meaning to check in on. Smile at the old lady in your elevator. Hold the door, give directions, wave. It takes nothing and it changes everything. And the more we minimize this kind of thing, the more it goes extinct.
And find a way to recommit to your community.
Not in a vague, abstract way, but in a real, personal, intentional one. Ask yourself what kinds of connections you actually want to nurture, what causes actually make you want to show up and be inconvenienced.
Since moving back to New York, I’ve been asking myself: Do I invest more in the influencer space? Reconnect with college friends? Deepen my Wharton relationships? Make space for a man? What actually makes me feel grounded? What reminds me that I’m not doing this life alone?
Right now, I don’t have all the answers. But I do have a north star, and it’s the desire to be a good steward of the communities that give me so much every day, even if it just starts with being kinder to my neighbors.
Showing up isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s inconvenient. Sometimes it’s draining. But when you strip it all back, what else do we have?
So ask yourself: Are you doing your part to protect the magic you might be taking for granted?
Don’t be stupid. At the end of the day, all we really have is each other.
✨ How to Look Smarter This Week ✨
Here’s what I’m reaching for in this weird little weather window we’re in (WHERE THE HELL IS SUMMER?????)
Westman Atelier Stick Foundation: I’ve loved this for a long time, but the ease of a stick foundation is why it’s re-entered my rotation this week. It’s full coverage without being cakey, and somehow still gives that glowy, expensive-skin finish. I swipe it on, blend with a beauty blender, run out the door.
Bread Hair Gel: It’s Natural Girl Summer, and this is the curl defining product. It gives hold without crunch, shine without grease, and the packaging is cute enough to leave out on your bathroom counter.
Low Rise Satin Pants from Target: These are my secret weapon in this TERRIBLE unpredictable NYC weather. Light enough for summer, but still feel styled and intentional. I own them in four colors because I’m not playing around. You can wear them with a baby tee, a blazer, or even to dinner with a heel and no one will know you paid under $30.
NARS Lip Gloss in Make a Move: I know the girls love a glossy lip balm, but let’s pare it back for a sec - this gloss is 90s in the best way. It’s not too shiny, not sticky, still gives some color, and feels more like grown-woman makeup instead of another colorful lip balm tube.
🔍 Smart Things I Saw This Week 🔍
DVF Documentary (Hulu): It came out last year, but I finally watched it—and wow. A beautiful, nuanced look at Diane von Fürstenberg’s life and legacy. She’s touched every wave of feminism in one way or another, and there’s so much to learn from the way she’s navigated power, femininity, and reinvention.
This TikTok on the Next Wave of Feminism: Speaking of feminism, this video had me thinking—we might be entering a new era. The creator draws parallels to the 70s and 80s, and it made me wonder if that radical, grounded, communal energy is about to make a comeback. I’d love to know what you think.
Fashion People with Lauren Sherman (Ep: Content & Commerce): If you love thinking about how content influences what we buy, this one’s for you. Lauren dives into the intersections of media, marketing, and fashion with such clarity. It got me thinking about how our current models of commerce are evolving and where they might go next.
Dr. Judith on High-Functioning Anxiety (She’s So Lucky Podcast): This conversation hit so close to home. Dr. Judith explains the hidden toll of “performing fine” when you’re running on anxiety behind the scenes. A must-listen if you’ve been feeling off but can’t quite name why.
That’s all for this week, angels.
If this letter stirred something in you — maybe a craving for connection, or just the realization that you’ve been trying to carry too much on your own — let it move you into action. Text a friend. Smile at a stranger. Say yes to the invite. Or just journal it out so you can figure out what support looks like for you right now.
Because you don’t have to go it alone!!!!
And smart girls? They know when to check in, both with themselves and with their people.
See you next Sunday.
xx
Alexis
P.S. If you need a place to start, the Too Smart For This journal was made for exactly this moment. Try filling out one page before you open Instagram tomorrow morning. It might change your whole day.
→ Get the Journal here and start where you are. It’s on sale on Amazon rn - so get one for a friend if you’re feeling the community spirit.