Smart Girls Decide
5 ways to channel your chaotic ambition into an intentional lifestyle (instead of rebranding your life every 4 business weeks)
Hello angels, and welcome to 2026!!!
I’ve been working quietly but obsessively this month to bring you the best possible version of the Too Smart For This podcast (will be published here on Substack!!!) for the year ahead, so thank you for your patience with the lighter newsletter energy.
If I’m being honest, I’ve also been in a deeply anti-“rebrand” and “reset” mood lately — which is ironic, considering I’m quite literally launching a podcast rebrand this week.
But after digging into my almost visceral reaction to “HOW TO REBRAND IN 2026 content,” I realized it lowkey makes sense why those words suddenly irritate me. It’s because I haven’t been rebranding — I’ve been doing something much more uncomfortable. I’ve been changing my identity.
I didn’t need to rebrand my life for 2026. I needed to name what I’ve been doing all year: deciding who I am, and coming to terms with how rarely I’d actually done that before.
A year of being truly untethered
Something about being twenty-seven, fully self-employed, single, and no longer able to make my personality about Wharton now that I graduated last year made something painfully clear to me: I am completely untethered.
There are no more institutions quietly shaping my days, no built-in milestones telling me whether I’m “on track,” no syllabus for what comes next.
For most of my life, there was always something to respond to. School, applications, internships, programs, bosses. Even when I was choosing, I was choosing within a structure. Now, without that scaffolding, the question became unavoidable. If nothing is deciding for me anymore, then I have to decide.
Now according to a video I saw on TikTok, there’s a real difference between choosing and deciding.
Choosing = picking from options (often not dictated by you)
Deciding = to deliberately cut off from everything else
I had no idea how afraid I was of deciding until I found myself stuck on my couch for what felt like all of autumn, deep in fight-or-flight, spiraling through variations of what if, am I doing this right, how do I know??
Beneath all of that noise was the much scarier question I’d been avoiding: who will I be, if it’s actually up to me?
The cost of not deciding (and why it’s so hard)
Let me be very clear: deciding what you want is genuinely hard. We’re one of the first generations of women that’s even been able to at this scale, and it’s even crazier with the infinite possibilities the internet has brought us. When you’re met with a lot of choices — especially when you have the curse of competence and are probably good at most of them — deciding takes even longer.
You’ve probably heard of decision fatigue, which is basically the scientific explanation for why you can run a meeting, answer emails, and build a business, but somehow lose your mind trying to decide what to eat for lunch. Decision-making is a finite cognitive resource. When we burn it on low-impact choices, we lose the capacity to decide on the things that actually shape our lives.
My indecision was becoming… borderline debilitating. Thirty minutes on an outfit in the morning. Three days to decide whether I was going on a trip. Three weeks with the wrong guy because I “wasn’t sure.” A full day without eating because nothing sounded good. All of this mental energy poured into decisions that didn’t deserve it, while the big one — what I actually wanted to do with my life and career — sat untouched.
I didn’t trust myself yet. And when you don’t trust yourself, even small decisions feel high-stakes. So you exhaust yourself on them.
I talked about this recently on the Picky N Selfish podcast with my friends Talia and Sean (great listen if you want my real personality, terrible listen if we’re related or have dated). Being in a long relationship during your formative adult years can quietly erode your decision-making muscle, but it’s not just relationships that we outsource our decision-making to.
Sometimes we call it community, but if you’re unable to decide without your mom, your best friend, group chat, Google, ChatGPT, and Reddit, you might not have as much self-trust as you think.
Letting my natural personality, truest desires, and biggest dreams exist without editing them for approval or outcome has been harder than I expected. When your identity feels fuzzy, everything requires deliberation.
Why ambitious women avoid deciding
I’ve noticed that ambitious women are uniquely bad at decision-making, and I say that lovingly, as one of you. We’re excellent at pattern recognition. We notice what’s rewarded, who’s winning, what makes someone impressive. Our excellence becomes adaptive — we shape ourselves into whatever version of success seems most viable at the moment.
The problem is that success defined outside of yourself is fleeting. You never actually feel done. The goalpost keeps moving, the chaos expands, and suddenly you’re doing seventeen things just to maintain the feeling of being “on track.”
This is the core of what I call chaotic ambition: letting external signals dictate your success until you splinter yourself trying to keep up.
It gets even messier when you have big dreams. When you believe anything is possible, it feels counterintuitive — almost irresponsible — to limit yourself. So you don’t decide. You keep every door cracked open just in case.
Ironically, people with more options, higher intelligence, and greater adaptability are more prone to decision paralysis. The more capable you are, the harder deciding becomes, because you can see too many possible futures at once. Choosing one can feel like shrinking yourself, even when it’s actually the opposite.
The research backs this up. In one famous study, people presented with twenty-four options were far less likely to make a choice than people given six — and they felt worse about their decision afterward. The brain experiences unmade decisions as open loops, which register as unresolved threats. That creates background anxiety and MAJOR mental clutter. No wonder I’ve had soooo much brain fog!
So “keeping your options open” feels safe, but neurologically, it’s exhausting.
Chaotic ambition vs. intentional ambition
Making the wrong decision can feel incredibly debilitating, but something about surviving everything I have in my life has taught me that you can almost always course-correct. You can always come back. The real work is standing in your decisions long enough to let them shape you in a new, positive way.
When you have a lot of drive, your responsibility is to recognize your gifts, skills, values, background, and desires, and decide how to intentionally weave them together into a life that actually feels like yours. First, you have to let yourself want the big dreams (we’ve discussed this at length!) Then comes the harder part.
Intentional ambition requires cutting things off.
You can’t do everything at once, but the good news is that life has seasons. You’ll probably get to do most of what you want eventually. The work is deciding who you’re being now, and being honest about what has to fall away to support that version of you. That clarity alone calms the nervous system, because the nervous system prefers certainty (even IMPERFECT!!! certainty) over ambiguity.
And yes, research shows we tend to regret inaction more than action over time. Uncertainty is often more stressful than being wrong!!!
So what’s the solution?
For me, it’s identity-based decision-making. Once you decide who you are, your brain stops holding daily committee meetings about every choice. Cognitive load drops. Clarity rises. Peace, even, may be on the horizon!!!
That said, your nervous system will ABSOLUTELY freak out at first. Commitment feels dangerous to a body that’s been trained to stay flexible, agreeable, and prepared to pivot at all times. So before you think about strategy, the real work is deciding who you’re becoming — and then convincing your body that it’s safe to be her.
Here’s how I’m doing that going in 2026:
1. Decide on fewer things
I’m only spending real decision-making energy on things that actually MOVE THE NEEDLE. Everything else gets streamlined, automated, or delegated.
Feeding myself & getting dressed were stealing an insane amount of my mental energy for absolutely no ROI. Quick fixes: get a uniform (I’m exploring this…) or plan your outfits on Sunday and don’t look back; start a meal delivery service or start eating the same thing every day.
This doesn’t mean rigidity. It means fewer daily negotiations with myself! If you have ADHD and just flinched at the word “routine,” same — which is why I built three different “types” of days instead of one perfect schedule. Structure without suffocation!! (Can do a whole post about that if you want later!!!)
Ask yourself:
What decisions am I making over and over again that don’t actually deserve this much airtime?
What could I decide once and stop revisiting?
Where in my day am I leaking energy before I’ve even started?
2. Embrace your new identity & grieve your other options.
Instead of asking “what should I do?” I’m asking, “Who have I decided to be?” and letting my actions flow from there.
But to do that, I made a list of the identities, habits, and routines that I’d have to say GOODBYE to. These can be subtle choices like “always wears sunscreen” or slightly bigger, like “I create content before I consume it.”
This week, I’m challenging myself to embody my CEO energy by taking myself on a Too Collective 2026 Planning Retreat to Miami (like a corporate offsite, but its just me on my laptop defrosting from the brutal NYC winter) and making decisions through a 7-figure-founder lens. When your decisions are identity-based, they require way less effort.
Ask yourself:
If I fully trusted myself, who would I decide to be in this season?
What are 5 small things I need to say no to to step into this identity? 5 big ones?
What version of me keeps trying to emerge that I keep editing down?
If this identity were already “real,” what would feel obvious to do next?
3. Calm your nervous system while you commit
Here’s the thing no one tells you: even SMART decisions can feel threatening to your body. Commitment removes optionality, and your nervous system loves optionality. So instead of forcing myself to “be confident,” I’m regulating as I work on building my decision muscle.
That looks like slowing down, grounding into my body, and choosing actions that feel stabilizing rather than activating. Affirmations like “I always make the best decisions,” and “I can metabolize and handle any challenge that shows up” help me take the reactivity out of everything when I start to spiral.
Ask yourself:
What does my body do when I commit to something?
Where am I mistaking discomfort for danger?
What helps me feel safe when I’m choosing something big?
4. Pick ONE tiny habit that signals the identity daily
Big identity shifts don’t require dramatic overhauls. They require one small, repeatable signal that tells your brain, oh, this is who she is now!!!
For style, that might be wearing the same pair of glasses every day — a visual anchor that says “I’m the boss!”
For health, mine is drinking my greens every morning. They’re sooo good for me (I loooovvvee the Sarah Wragge Wellness ones bc they’re individual & travel friendly), and even though I’m craving coffee first, the greens are a check off my list that says “I’m a real wellness girl, K???”
For work, it might be opening your laptop at the same time each day, even if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing yet. It’s not about productivity, it’s about proving to yourself that you can do the things you said you would!!!
Ask yourself:
What’s one tiny action that would make this identity feel real today?
What habit would feel grounding instead of performative?
What’s something so small I literally cannot overthink it?
5. Stay with the decision longer than your anxiety wants you to
Choosing a direction doesn’t mean trapping yourself forever. It means walking forward with intention, instead of making more pros & cons lists in your notes app or draining your energy on hypotheticals.
It’s uncomfortable, but discomfort is not a red flag by default. Sometimes it’s just the sensation of commitment that stings since your identity has so much experience “doing it all.”
I’m practicing staying with decisions long enough to gather real information instead of reopening the question every time I feel uneasy.
When I spiral, I ask: what would a seven-figure podcast host do this week? And then I do that — even if my ego is protesting in the background.
When I’m really torn, I have the coin flip app on my phone. I think of two choices: flip and execute. Doing something always feels better than ruminating.
Ask yourself:
What decision am I trying to re-litigate instead of live with?
What door am I afraid to close that’s actually keeping me stuck?
What would feel relieving to choose, even temporarily?
If I trusted that future-me could course-correct, what would I decide now?
That’s all I have for today, friends!
BTW, I don’t trust my decisions perfectly yet. I change my mind. I changed my mind a lot this year. I used to get mad at myself for that, as if consistency were a moral virtue instead of a skill you build.
What I do know is that I’ve also never felt more liberated than when I made the true decision to lean into my podcasting & writing career. The clarity has unlocked a new level of drive in me fueled by faith and fun!
You can expect Too Smart For This to expand in major ways, sooner than you think <3
Until next time,
Alexis
I love the quote that’s like “it’s not about making the right decision but making the decision right”. This was a great read, especially all the question prompts! I’m going to do them this week. Thank you!
Loved this!! Currently navigating a career change and needed this so much